i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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