Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
