I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
