Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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