someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
