dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
