I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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