$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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