You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
