I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
