If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
try to milk me bitch
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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