hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
