is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
