I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
