Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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