Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
