one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
