Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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