some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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