Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
