ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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