hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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