I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He uses pillows to masturbate.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
