Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
