Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
