Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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