we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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