I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
