I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
