so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
