Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't deserve a penis
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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