their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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