I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize