U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
someone threw a dead crab at me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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