I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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