i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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