dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
