i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
