Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
