I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize