Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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