some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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