you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize