pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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