Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize