WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
