i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize
