Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
