sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
