a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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