i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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