Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
