Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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