I cannot find my penis.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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