they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
