Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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