Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
