Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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