I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
