i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
