Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
