How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
