I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
