i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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