She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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