she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I touched a dick in church today
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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