He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
