So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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