Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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