I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
